Setting Boundaries: The Biology of Knowing Where You End

Every living system has a boundary.  A cell has a membrane, skin separates the internal environment from the external one, the gut wall selectively decides what crosses into circulation, even earths ecosystems have boundaries, although they are more obviously porous ones, think about a pond or the ocean.

A boundary therefore isn't necessarily a wall but a place of discernment - this can enter and that cannot, this belongs here, hat does not.

Perhaps this is why the current conversation around personal boundaries interests me from a health perspective seeing as we often talk about boundaries as psychological techniques like saying no, protecting time, limiting difficult relationships.

But biologically, boundaries are fundamental to life itself a cell membrane for example that allowed absolutely everything through would not be “open” it would be dysfunctional and likewise, a membrane through which nothing could pass would not be healthy either.

Life requires selective permeability as do humans.  There is a tendency within some spaces to present boundaries as rigid declarations: “this is my boundary”, but healthy boundaries may be far more dynamic.  Sometimes we need protection and sometimes connection, sometimes solitude and sometimes challenge and sometimes we need help and a boundary that can never move may eventually become a prison.

This becomes particularly interesting when considering people who have spent years caring for others such as caring for parents or chronically sick children, healthcare professionals, carers, leaders, the dependable person in a family, the child who learned very early not to cause trouble.

For some people, saying “no” is uncomfortable not because they lack assertiveness, but because their entire sense of safety may have developed around being useful, accommodating or being indispensable.

The intellectual instruction to “set better boundaries” can therefore miss the point entirely and perhaps the difficulty isn't knowing where the boundary should be.  Perhaps the nervous system has learned that having one is dangerous.

Homeopathic case-taking can uncover these patterns because it asks not merely what happened, but how the individual adapted to what happened.

Nutrition can show something similar in another form: restriction itself is a boundary, so is appetite and satiety and the ability to recognise hunger.

Interesting things can happen when externally imposed rules become louder than internal signals.

Eat this.                     Never eat that.                   Fast for this long.               Hit this protein target.     Avoid this ingredient.   Track everything.

Perhaps there is a point at which the person stops listening to the body because the protocol has become the authority.

Good health may therefore require something subtler than ever stronger boundaries, instead It may require intelligent boundaries strong enough to maintain integrity and flexible enough to permit exchange, responsive enough to change when circumstances change.  Adaptably & Resilience.

The cell already knows this.  Are we simply relearning it?

I believe boundaries in health should work in much the same way as ecological ones: not rigid walls, but intelligent, responsive points of discernment.  This applies not only to relationships but to food, exercise, work, rest and even the rules we create around being “healthy.”  A health plan that leaves somebody frightened to deviate from it may have achieved compliance without necessarily creating resilience.

I also believe the human condition is inextricably weaved into all life on Earth.  We are ecosystems that work dynamically with all life on Earth, and this is where functional nutritional therapy, homeopathy and lifestyle mentoring can complement one another.  We can explore the nutritional and physiological picture while also asking how the individual responds, adapts and functions within their actual life.  The goal isn't to create somebody who follows health rules perfectly but to help create the conditions in which they can increasingly recognise and respond to their own needs.  Conceivably that is one of the most useful boundaries of all.

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